All.Men.Are.The.Same

Dear mother,

I know you are expecting me to get married anytime from now. I am very sure you are unpleasantly surprised that I haven’t even brought any guy home to you and Dad. You can’t understand it because I am due for marriage in your eyes. I am a thirty five year old woman who is a well established sociologist. I am more than comfortable and I am a pretty girl after all I came out of you and at the age of sixty, you are still a beauty to behold. I am fit and I have a good body and a character good enough thanks to the morals and values you instilled in me right from a young age and I have actually had a lot of proposals from well to do guys. So you must be mightily confused as to why I am still a single woman though my younger siblings are married and they have kids. It doesn’t matter that you already have grandchildren. You still want a son-in-law from me and grandchildren from me. I am sorry to disappoint you because I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

I’m not saying this because I am a career woman and I am a very busy person and having a family will slow me down. I am not saying it because I am not attracted to guys and I want to die a loner. I am not saying this because I don’t want to have beautiful babies that will have stubborn black hair like me, have cat-eyes like me and have the dominant gene of shortness. I am saying it because all men are the same. Mother they are the same. You give them your heart and your everything and they play with it like you haven’t given them anything. You sacrifice a lot and they decide to remain selfish and inconsiderate. You stay faithful to them even when you will rather be out of the relationship and they cheat on you because they can’t keep their libido in check. I have been in relationships mother and each time, I either get cheated on or I am not appreciated. I am sure you know what I am talking about, dad cheated on you and though you did a good job covering it, I knew. You always say I’m your exact replica and you know how sensitive you are. So I knew. I knew about the many nights you cried yourself to sleep. I knew of the many times he cheated and you forgave him. I knew of the many phone calls with your pastor praying for him to fully turn back to God and stay devoted. All men are the same mother.

My friends that are married have stories to tell about how marriage is not as they thought it would be. How the man has changed and how they are unappreciated. How they go out and pretend like all is well meanwhile they are really hurting inside. How they wish they had a way out, but unfortunately, they have a certificate with no expiry date. So they advice me to run. They tell me I’m lucky. Maybe my reason for not wanting to get married doesn’t sound valid and maybe I will change my mind later but for now, I am sorry mother, but I will rather be alone than be with someone and feel all alone. The world needs me.
Your replica,
Mojisola.

**

Dear Mojisola,

I was smiling as I was reading your mail. Oh my darling, I knew you knew about your dad. It was one of those unspoken words between us. You are too smart and sensitive not to have noticed. But you should have asked why I forgave him every time. I did because we are in a covenant relationship and we have two beautiful girls that have sealed that relationship. Yes, we both have a certificate that we didn’t receive training for before getting the certificate and we had to start getting training after receiving it. Marriage is of the institutions with an unending training and one of the most interesting institutions because we learn and can love each day. I forgave him because he deserves second chances. That’s the thing about God’s type of love which is one of the type of loves I have for him. It’s a redeeming type of love. It’s the type of love that you give without necessarily feeling. Let me leave that for now. Maybe I will send you another mail about that kind of love later.

So you have been cheated on so many times. So what? So your friends are not enjoying marriage. So what? ‘All men are the same’, you say. Will you like it if you are pre-judged? If a beautiful man trained by God tells you “all women are the same”? I know you, you will protest and start giving your brilliant explanations as to why he can’t generalize.
Darling, understand this: IT’S NOT WORKING OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS DOESN’T MEAN IT WON’T WORK OUT FOR YOU. Your father cheated doesn’t mean he will cheat. We are not the same and we have different journeys to embark on. So because someone went for an interview and wasn’t employed doesn’t mean you won’t be employed in that same company, but you might never know if you get discouraged by that person’s result. Don’t let other people’s failure determine your chance of success. You have to try it for yourself. You have to take that step though every other person that took it has horrible stories to tell. Don’t ever let what people tell you never allow you take a step. One of the regrets I have till date was never working because my mother couldn’t work and keep a home. So I let my degrees go to a waste thinking I would fail because my mother failed; forgetting I am me, a unique homo sapiens who has the power to write her own story.

You will find that man for you. The one that will make you know that indeed, ‘all men are not the same’. Maybe it’s time to evaluate the types of friends you have. You should have friends that will encourage you and not splash their failure in your face therefore discouraging you from trying because of the fear of failure. Besides, the fear of failure should gear you to want to succeed. This mail is not to convince you to get married. Not all at. It’s just to tell you the simple truth: IT DIDN’T WORK OUT FOR OTHERS DOESN’T MEAN IT WON’T WORK OUT FOR YOU. SO TAKE THAT STEP ANYWAY, BE THAT THING ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU ARE A UNIQUE BEING AND YOU ARE NOT EVERY0NE ELSE.

Your mother,

Modupe.

Have a good week Awesome MSB readers. I pray you remember through out this week that you are awesomely different from everyone, so is your journey in life. Your journey should never be compared to that of other. Remain awesome loves!

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2 Comments
  • abey
    August 24, 2015

    Spoken and written like a Sage….God bless!

  • mayowa
    August 24, 2015

    Awww! Thank you darling. GOD BLESS YOU TOO😙

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