Tai said she wanted Soya milk. I hate that drink. I wonder why she liked it so much. I drink it now though, not because I like it, but because it was the drink Tai loved and I love Tai. After Tai uttered the words that later turned out to be lies, I went to get her Soya milk. I took long because, the woman didn’t have change. How very stupid! I waited because of ordinary NGN800 and didn’t get to ask Tai why she lied to me minutes earlier when she still had life in her. I know I won’t have asked her that though. My heart would have ceased and bled right there and my parents would have buried “the twins.” I got back to the hospital feeling gay. I was going to tell Tai about the funny man I saw on the road, about the woman that kept the money I gave her in her bra. I was going to laugh and hear Tai laugh until I heard my mother’s wails. They were very loud and I saw my father cry for the first time. The nurses shook their heads and told me ‘sorry’. “Sorry? For what exactly?” I said sorry back to them because I thought one of their patients died. I forgot Tai was one of their patients. I forgot it was my mother wailing and she wouldn’t wail like that for a stranger. “But we had spoken only some minutes ago; but I’m holding your soya milk; but the Doctor said you could be discharged next week; but you were going to try on your dress for my wedding in two weeks time; but you were going to be my chief bride’s maid in a month’s time. So how could you have stopped breathing in a matter of seconds? How could you have left without saying goodbye?” I said as my father held me and said, “God knows best.” The same words you said to me when the Doctor said your brain was swelling as a result of the accident. I asked you “why you? Why now?” with tears streaming down my face. You wiped those tears with your fingers and said, “God knows best and I shouldn’t cry because he would save you. He never forsakes his own.” I was strong because your strength carried me. I had hope and believed God indeed saves his own when you were getting better. How does death happen so suddenly?
Tai, the pastor read out Job 1:21 at your burial ceremony. He talked about the ‘good life’ you lived like he really knew you. I shouted like a mad man at aunty Remi when she said, “pele, it will get better.” I called her a liar because, I know it wouldn’t get better. She looked at me with eyes full of pity and so did the others that came to console us. She said, “oun ati sister e close gan. She is still in a state of shock.” … I wanted to call her a liar again and send her out but, I know you would have comported yourself. You thought aunty Remi just says whatever she wants and you always said not to mind her. How could she just say we were very close like she had a right to. She didn’t know the depth of our relationship so how could she have acted like she knew it all.
Tunde and I broke up. He said I’m letting your death ruin my life. I slapped him. How could he have said that? Didn’t he know my life ended when yours did? I told him to prospone the wedding when you died. He said he understood and I should take my time. But he didn’t understand. The ‘eyes of my heart’ just died and he still wanted me to live; he still wanted me to have a wedding and not have you as the chief bride’s maid. So he was still waiting for my “grieving time” to come to an end. But he doesn’t understand, it doesn’t get better; it doesn’t get easier; I don’t care if you would want me to live or be happy.
I wasn’t going through a grieving time. My heart died. It is dead. I’m all flesh so when he came back 5 months later and spoke about wedding. I looked at him. Then he said I’m letting your death ruin my life and I slapped him. He still stuck around. What a fool! He said, “I am sure you will be fine after a little while longer.” What a big fool. Who would I replace ‘eyes of my heart with?’ Who would cry with me on the wedding day? Who would be the aunty to my children? Yet the fool wanted me to have a wedding. I called him an insensitive son of a bitch when he said a year later, “it seems you are not ready to let her go and I don’t know how much longer I can wait.” I shouted at him and chased him out of my house. The way you chased the boys that tried to rape me when we were in secondary school away. He looked at me just before he entered his car and called me a stranger. I guess that’s what Death does to you. It takes you away from the world. I’m no longer in the world and they don’t understand that because they still see my physical body and yours can no longer be seen. Mummy said she feels childless and I should please get help….
When those guys were about to rape me, you came in and I can remember looking at you with tears in my eyes. You smiled at me and wiped the tears though tears were coming out of your own eyes. I asked you how you knew I was in danger. You said, “ My heart bled when yours was bleeding. So I knew something was wrong.” I looked at you with a raised eye brow and you said, “Don’t worry. It’s a twin thing. My heart is divided into two and you hold one part.” I hugged you and called you “eyes of my heart.” I’m coming for you now and don’t even think of sending me back because, I wouldn’t listen to you for the first time. You hold one part of my heart and a heart can’t beat properly when one half of it has been ripped off.0