Ayo, thank you so much for sending this in. I hope I will be posting more articles from you as time goes by.
I’m a drug addict
I’m a bully
I’ve been molested
I’ve been raped
I feel hated and crave for love and attention
My parents got a divorce and it shattered my world.
I’ve seen my Dad beat up my mum all my life
I hate my Dad; I can get rid of him if it’s legal
I grew up hearing stories about how Dad left us
If Dad was just alive, maybe things would be better
If he could just understand how I feel and believe in me
I MISS DAD!!!
I realized virtually every grown up kid, teenager or adult has one of these things to say about himself or herself. How the role of a father in our lives seems to be a yardstick for whatsoever is going to happen next, how the presence or absence of a father played a vital role in who we have become today. I read the story of a student of Redeemers University who killed and butchered his father out of rage (O ma se o). Reading his interview with the press, I realized the guy had been bitter about his father for years and that incident was just the crux of it all and an opportunity taken over by his rage to do what he never thought he could do.
The gist my dear is that most of the fathers in this generation have failed (apart from those of us who have sane ones *thumbs up*) but the majority have failed and the annoying part is most don’t admit they have, they will tell you that’s what it means to be a man *crap*. Sociological research have tied the habits of most ill-mannered kids to either the absence of a father or the presence of a bad one, it said most prostitutes don’t have fathers or he’s not a relevant individual in their lives, it also said most bullies grew up being taught wrongly by their dad or constantly saw their dad beating up their mum and so on. You’re reading this now and then you’re nodding, my facts seem to be hitting at you, you’ve at some point been like “if he just knew how to do better, maybe I’ll also be better off now”, you have one of the many complains to say about your dad, you feel somethings he did pushed you to be who you are right now, you blame it all on him, there were decisions you wanted to make that were vital that he down-played, times you needed a compliment and you got a whack instead and you are just burnt with so much passion for him to just understand how you feel. Someone once said and I believe that if we have more sane men and fathers in our society, the population of strong, intelligent and sane daughters will increase. Well, I’m not here to condemn the male gender because I am one too, I believe there are still so many good ones out there but I’m just an advocate for a better and a lot more responsible ones.
I am writing this is to address you that have been a victim of the mistakes your Dad made because I’ve been there too. My Dad is a good man but not the understanding one, he believes men should be stern, emotionless and hard but I don’t. I believe men should be liberal, emotional, understanding, patient, tolerant, and stern in a sensible way, romantic, very prayerful, chivalrous and caring and not what our society thinks. Dear, a bulk of our fathers failed us one way or the other but we can’t continue to blame them for the things that happened to us as a result of their mistakes. The reason why we have the word appointments is because there’s also the word disappointments, you can’t move on with life still hanging the responsibilities on them, there’s a lot of fun still left in life to enjoy that you can’t afford to miss them.
The danger in not taking the responsibility and moving on is you’ll continually be hurt and you could be taking it out on friends, colleagues, your kids and then the mindset of “all men are the same”, you can’t let those that matter be affected by the mistakes of someone they don’t even know especially your kids and if you’re a guy and you’re reading this, you can make up your mind like I’ve done to be a better father to your kids or better spouse to your wife and let’s change this mindset of “All men are the same”. If you’ve been something bad or picked up a bad habit because Dad caused it or made the same mistakes, you just have to forgive him no matter what he did; doing that means you’ve stripped the habit off the fuel helping it to glow. I tell you, that bitterness can make you do anything stupid it’s just a matter of time before it takes over you, forgiving means you’ve killed the fuel and when you do that, please seek for help from someone a lot more matured that can and will help. Love you loads. Thanks.0