Jeannelle’s Story (part 2)

Hello Beautiful Souls! I hope you have started your week on a good note. So continuing from the inspiration from yesterday, kindly read and share part 2 of Jeannelle’s story. I hope part 1 blessed you and if it didn’t, you have nothing to worry about. Part 2 is so loaded that it would be bless you even if you don’t want to be blessed. Lol!

Do have a great week ahead, and please regardless of the fuel problem in Nigeria or whatever problem there is at wherever you are staying, choose to rise above and know that nothing is permanent. Times and Seasons change and the faithful God we serve will always have you. So hang in there love. Everything good will come.

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As I grew older I noticed that loads of other people wanted to venture in to careers centered around writing such as journalism, editorial work, publishing or becoming an author. This suddenly made me feel replaceable, forgettable and mainly not good enough. I became demotivated and stopped blogging and writing poetry. During this period of demotivation and feeling sorry for myself I learnt a valuable lesson which was that the people around you should push you towards your purpose or help you to rediscover/find yourself. I had friends that vocally articulated that they found literature and all things surrounding the subject boring and uncreative. That did not help me write neither did it want to help me write. Instead of praying and actually asking the one who matters for guidance and help with the gift that He installed in me, I began to feed off these negative vibes. ‘Poetry is stupid and cringey to read, why would anyone enjoy writing or reading that?’ that’s what I was hearing and what I began to believe, despite the fact that I was actually good at it and truly enjoyed reading it.

Looking back on it, I do wish I had opened my mouth to say how I felt whenever I heard those comments but because they were from friends, I somehow felt that they were valid. In my mind my peers opinions were not opinions anymore but suddenly became facts. I would have never said anything demotivating or disrespectful about my friends’ talents or degrees that they chose to study and I found that the fact they could turn around and be negative about mind hurtful. I became really embarrassed to blog or write anything, especially when I would ask particular people if they had read any of my pieces and would get a blank stare in response or ‘oh no I didn’t know you posted anything.’ However, as I began to pray for God to help me find my purpose and my talents, I started to get the urge to write a lot more. As I continuously got the urge to write, I continuously shut down the urge with thoughts like ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘writing isn’t for me because so and so said this.’ Then I’d still pray for purpose and talents and get the same urge, I feel like God was telling me to listen to Him and not the external voices that I had allowed to become internal. So it became similar to tug of war, ‘you love to write and are truly good at it’ vs ‘what are your talents, you have none.’ I think God was like she really needs further confirmation because he spoke through one of my friends, who told me they got a persistent message to tell me to start writing poetry again from the Lord.

It is so key to have people around you that support your vision and can see your talents even when you can’t. Friends that support a vision that they might not completely understand just yet, but know that it is what shapes you and is a God given talent. As I became more prayerful, I drew closer to people that saw gifts and talents in me that I didn’t even see. I also saw that in focusing on the people that didn’t read anything I wrote, I ignored and overlooked the people that did. When I was blogging in university, I would get positive feedback from array of people constantly. I have no idea why I was fixated on the people that didn’t see or attempt to understand my vision. Thinking about it now, it was really silly because it didn’t impact their self -esteem but mine. I’m still currently trying to get back that spirit of boldness and asking the Lord for confidence that cannot be shaken by mere men. Isaiah 2:22 reassures me almost every day: ‘Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?’

As does 1 Samuel 16:7 ‘For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart’, People do not see or know the end goal, God does. He knows where you’ll be today, tomorrow, next week, next month etc. They may see your purpose as irrelevant or silly but at the end of the day God will not give you anything irrelevant or silly. There is a time for everything and when your purpose grows and blooms God gets the glory and honor, not those doubtful peers. God looks at the heart, he knows what He has placed within you, he knows your intentions whereas people do not and it is not a bad thing because that’s just what we tend to do. For us it takes a while to move past the external and look at the internal, we judge by appearance and what we see, God looks deep within. If we cannot see a purpose or use for something, we dismiss it without a second thought. This is where seeing things by faith and not by sight comes into play. Since the basis of our relationship with God centers around faith, that’s how we must live, walk and view things. We shouldn’t just view things with our naked human doubtful eyes but by faith. Faith in the abilities and words that the Lord has given to us.

It’s funny now I hear almost every single day how I am talented in my writing ability, how my poems impact and touch people and I’m still unconvinced. I still feel like there are loads of other people that can do the exact same thing that I can. Which shows that I probably was not 100 per cent confident in my writing skills regardless of the negative company I was surrounded by. I’ve learnt that my confidence cannot and will not ever reside within people. People change each and every single day, one day we’re obsessed with such and such, the next day we’ve moved on to something or someone else. So for me to place a thing so delicate and important as confidence in these unstable hands would be unwise and doomed for failure. People can let you down intentionally and unintentionally, of course they can, they are not God. By placing all my hopes and confidence in them, I somehow made them Gods. If God has given me a gift and I’m not sure how to use it or where to go with it, it is really silly to go and ask another person what to do with it. It is extremely naïve to ask a person who isn’t close to God for advice on something God given. The wise and most beneficial thing to do would be to ask my creator, who would then guide me and show me. This guidance may be through new company, answered prayers, new confidence etc.
Even though I’ve ‘stopped blogging’ I still write poetry and may decide to publish them on a website or somewhere public, I’m still unsure as God’s still working on me. I hope this has encouraged someone to rely on the Lord and His opinion because when He made you, He knew exactly what He was doing. Trust and hold on to that and once you do everything will fall into place. Your company will change, your perspective will change and your relationship with Him will change, all for the better!

With Love,

Jeannelle.

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1 Comment
  • Frances Okoro
    April 13, 2016

    I hope you start blogging again Jeanelle..especially if God has given you the go-ahead to do so.

    Here’s to walking in faith and not by sight. Living our lives through God’s eyes and not ours or people’s eyes..

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