I have always wondered about what I would feel if I was raped…
Would there be dark red trails of blood between my legs… Or would the pain in me be numbed to nothing?
Would their voices ring in my head through the ordeal or would I drift into blessed unconsciousness?
Weird yes? But it’s not really weird. Every time I hear a story about a victim who was raped, I always feel so bad… bad enough for me to try and place myself in their shoes and imagine for a moment the kind of pain they must feel.
Did I ever feel what they felt? No.
No matter how hard I tried, my imagination never cuts it.
But now that I think of this though, I have indeed come close to feeling what they felt in the past.
I was 16, seemingly in love with a certain Mr man who promised that he would not “touch me” if that was what I wanted. So I tagged along and went on to spend the weekend with “my love”.
To this day, what I can mostly remember about that night was his voice saying “don’t you want to get it done?” Then a slap, then the threat of beating me with his belt, then the opening of my thighs, then his trying to gain entry, then his trying again for a while…Then finally, his voice trailing me as I left “you are still a virgin, I didn’t do anything”
But for months after that I did feel like he did something.
It was only years later that I realized that he didn’t really gain access that night but still for the days and months that followed, I felt… there’s no explanation for what I felt.
Or maybe there’s an explanation for what I felt…
I felt broken.
I remember going to the bathroom in my hostel and scrubbing and scrubbing the “slap” off my face and his body off of me.
The only good thing that came out of that incident was that I realized that I needed God… I would never have spent the night with a man I hardly knew if I knew God (that was for sure)
But till this day, I still wonder… Did he attempt to forcefully have sex with me just because I spent the night with him? Couldn’t he have agreed and kept his distance when I said “no, I am not ready to have sex yet?”
Was every girl supposed to be raped just because they made a stupid decision to trust a terrible person?
And the weightier question… The victims-the girls whose “men” gain complete forceful entrance into them, what do they feel?
Try as I might, even with my own close brush with rape, I cannot feel what they feel. But I do know that it’s not a place one would wish even their enemy to be.
By all means, do not be as naive as I was. If you do not want to have sex with a man, simply stay away from close calls like spending isolated time with him. So many have done that and had the words of “it was the work of the devil” ringing in their heads as an apology from the guy.
Be sharp, be sensible, keep yourself…
But the problem doesn’t really lie in the above suggested solution, it lies with the men-the predators who think it’s fun to trap their victim under them and proceed to force such intimacy with someone who’s screams and tears rings in their ears.
How do you live with yourself? What pleasure do you gain from this? What can we do to make you stop?
Should the law maybe prescribe the castration of offenders and make them eunuchs as punishment for the offense of rape? Would that serve as a warning? Would that scare the rest of them away?
What do we do to prevent this scourge?
I sadly cannot give a definite answer to this…
I only know that the trauma the victims feel is unimaginable.
And I also know that the punishment such rapists should get should be unimaginable to the human mind too… Maybe that would stop them, maybe that would stop the predators.
Maybe castration would stop them.
Maybe castration won’t stop them.
But then again just maybe it would stop them.
I just pray anything, anything at all would stop them…About Frances: Frances is a 20 something year old female lawyer, She recently finished from Nigerian Law school (Congratulations girl!!!). She loves to laugh and she loves God like crazy… In fact, sometimes she just wants to scream in public that “all that I am, all that I will ever be, its all God, its all God!” She understands that she is called to be a light and my babe really tries in shining her light for God and giving others the permission and courage to shine for God too. In her words, “I am as imperfect as they come; flawed through and through and only in Christ do I find perfection. All that I am has only one origin and one end- JESUS CHRIST. I am just a simple girl trying to live God’s talk and walk God’s talk“. She blogs all about Jesus and life and love at imperfectlyperfectlives. It will be a grave sin If you don’t check out this amazing blog.