Hi Awesome people! I think Saturdays are like my own throw back Thursdays because I tend to share old stories with you on Saturdays. Today’s story is also an old, unpublished story which you will totally enjoy. Be a darling and share the story. Have an awesome weekend and remain awesome, awesome people. Much love :*
“We believe what we choose to believe. That’s how we are conditioned and that’s how we survive. By having selective memory, listening selectively and responding selectively. I came to realize that we always have a choice even when it seems like we are not being given one. So you can understand why I agreed with the talk show host I once watched when she said, “A lie is only a lie because you choose to believe it. You give the words uttered importance when you digest it and believe it. So don’t be mad when you are lied to. Words were said but you were given a choice. You could have chosen not to believe the words.” She looked at him and smiled; a satisfying smile. “Haha! I see I am rambling again. It’s a good thing you are already used to it.” He smiled at her and their smile was washed away by the silence that engulfed them. They both realized the next minutes will be weighty. Sadness spread across her face and she looked down so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes.
He looked at her for a long time and asked a little reluctantly, “So you believe I will come back?”
“Yes! I choose to believe that”. She said with a weak smile though she was fighting the tears that were tugging at her eyes. He returned her smile and held her eyes for a long time before he finally pulled away. He turned his face and wiped the lone tear that came out of his eyes. He turned back and looked at her contemplating whether or not to hug her or if that will make it harder. He looked deep into her eyes and searched her eyes praying his strength wouldn’t fail him. All he wanted to do was pull her into a tight embrace, but he was afraid if his body made contact with hers, it would be impossible for him to let go. His throat hurt as he struggled to get words out of his mouth. He wanted to tell her how much he loves her and will miss her. How much she really means to him but instead he said, “Stay safe okay? You have to.” He looked at her one more time and walked away not looking back. She looked at him until he was out of sight and turned towards the direction leading to her house. She hugged herself in other to feel better promising herself she wouldn’t break down in public. The promise didn’t hold water as she sat on a pavement on the road and released the flood of water and hurt in her eyes and heart not caring if she is being looked at by strangers.
Five months later, she was walking on the road to her house when she saw a small boy and girl giggling and exchanging biscuits. She smiled at them allowing herself to share whatever happiness they were feeling. She needed that. She hadn’t been herself since he left. She had immersed herself in work to try to fill the void in her heart, but even that hadn’t really been working out. She had tried writing. Writing had always been able to free her mind; living at the moment through the characters in whatever story she writes about, but even that had not been able to stop her from thinking about him. She now took the bus home. People always engage in funny conversations on the bus and that helps in relieving her mind. She looked at the children one more time, then gasped suddenly realizing they are standing on the exact same spot she made him kneel down. Memories of that day came rushing to her… “Common now, I’m sorry. Derin, you are obviously not going to make me kneel down here. It’s a public place and it’s on the road.” He batted his eyelashes in an attempt to persuade her. She stood with a straight face and pointed a finger to the ground. “Are you for real?” he asked. She looked at him and on seeing her face flashing with anger; he complied and knelt down, told her sorry and put the bracelet on her hand. She laughed and told him how good of an actress she is for faking anger. She stretched out her hands to hug him. He moved and she ended up hugging space. He laughed at her as she walked faster feigning anger… “sisi oge, it’s not going to work for me this time.” He walked faster to catch up with her when she didn’t answer him.” She must have been standing there for up to ten minutes because by the time she slipped out of her reverie, the children were gone. She looked at the bracelet he gave her, smiled through her clouded eyes and continued walking home.
When she didn’t hear from him for seven months, she decided to write him a letter. Not sure if she should or if he would get it.
“Hey you! I hope you are okay and you are taking good care of yourself. I wish I have something interesting to say but my life has been normal. I miss you. lol! I know it’s weird for me to utter such words and I’m sure you are feeling so giddy because I said it. Lol, calm down. So I will be writing to you so you won’t miss anything and I’m sure you will keep me updated as well. Okay hon, that’s all for now.
She sent some more letters in the space of two months and he didn’t reply any. She became angry and distraught and sent some more letters that reflected her angry and frustrated state. In some of the letters, she cursed at him not exactly knowing why and when she calmed down, she would send some other letters to explain her frustration and remind him to stay safe. She was going through her phone looking for a message when she stumbled on the voice message he sent to her sometime ago. She listened to it … ‘Hey! I hope you are good now. Common babe, you are so smart and talented it annoys me sometimes and makes me marvel most times.I’m sending this message first because weird you likes saving these messages. You like to hear my sexy voice again and again. Obsessed babe. I will call you now’ … “he laughed and ended the message”. She remembered the message didn’t make her stop crying, but it made her smile and it boosted her confidence. She smiled as she remembered what he said when she called him that day to cry about the jobs she didn’t get. He told her to hang in there and was in her house in no time. She decided then to write him a last letter.
“Hey! You are talented alright!” You said while looking deep into my eyes and I believed your eyes more than your words… “I’m going to be holding your hand when you finally become the successful young writer that will impact lives. I will hold your hand and tell you: “I told you so”. I’m always right here,” you said and put my mind to rest. I don’t know if I was foolish for believing you, but I honestly couldn’t care less. It didn’t seem foolish then because I just knew you would always be there even if you are just a shadow. I always knew but now, I don’t really know what I’m sure of anymore. Can you remember when you told me, “I just love you for an inexplicable reason. It’s hard to believe six years from the time we sat as strangers beside eachother, we are now best buds. Lol! The girl whose brain attracted me because of how she challenged me though she didn’t know me. I saw you for who you are there and then. A Stubborn, highly opinionated girl with a bold voice ready to fight for what she believes in. I didn’t fall in love with you then as love was still alien to me, but I knew you woudl be my first love and probably my only love. I just didn’t want to rush it. I prayed I wasn’t being foolish and I wouldn’t lose you to one of those boys in my bid to wait. So I listened to you talk about this boy and that boy… I used to feel jealous but, I was more patient than jealous. Let them have you for temporal moments. I will have you all my life.”
She remembers saying nothing after he said that. She just let the words sink into her system. She also remembers locking eyes with him and holding his hand. She failed woefully at trying to stop her heart from beating so fast. They just sat holding eachother’s hands sharing a moment peculiar to them. A moment that was so perfect until he told me he would be leaving for Afghanistan the next day. She continued writing…
“I know you are better at communicating with your eyes than through words, but I can’t see your eyes now. So you have to talk to me some other way. Just talk to me. What kills me is not knowing. I don’t even know if the chocolate skinned guy with brown eyes and a fierce heart still breathes. “
She let the tears that formed in her eyes fall not caring if the paper will be stained. She continued writing determined to let it out…
“You never know how much your life will change until something changes. You were always close to my heart and I didn’t think it would be a huge blow if you left. So you never know until you have to.” She chuckled softly… “I don’t know why I miss you the way I do and I didn’t think I would miss you like this, but you can’t go when we were finally brave and mature enough to cross the line from friendship to something far more. I should have told you I didn’t want you to go and defend a country that isn’t even yours. Yes, I know we have lived here in USA all our lives, but you shouldn’t have gone to defend the honour of the country. I should have told you but I was too proud of you. I couldn’t tell you. So you have to come back. I don’t care how and for how long. Just come back because I have grown so attached to you it doesn’t feel the same. The silence is now weird because it’s not a silence shared with you or coming from you. You have to come back because you left something; someone important and she doesn’t know if she should move on just yet. This is going to be my last letter. Remember when you asked, “you believe I will come back?” I still believe.
She folded the letter, put it in the envelope and sealed it. She sat back on her chair feeling airy as she muttered “you will come back” to herself.