She found him! Then she lost him and today, she was reminded that she had indeed lost him, for it wasn’t the same anymore. She knew that for sure, she could feel it in her bones and the feelings she gets in her bones are never wrong.
She had been wanting to cook so badly since yesterday and today, she somehow got distracted when the children started singing. She remembered she wanted to cook and she told herself, she would cook when she gets back even though she desperately wants to sleep. You see, she was supposed to be focused on him, but yet again her mind wandered from him and she looked at the time, waiting for it to tick so fast so she could leave.
She started cooking, with ‘mma mma’ by Frank Edwards playing in the background. She has become obsessed with that song as it takes her to a different realm, almost like the realm she used to exist in when she wasn’t taking a vacation from him. She was enjoying cooking but was also doubting her cooking abilities. You see, a certain girl named ‘symbiosis’ walked into her life and that girl loves her stomach so much she always feeds it. So she hardly cooks now and while she is grateful for Symbiosis’s generosity, she is also hoping she won’t have to blame her later in the future if her husband tells her she can’t cook.
A song was sung earlier today, she can’t remember the song, but the song was powerful enough to make her determine to write today. She hasn’t really written in a while, she has uncompleted stories and she blames it on Law. Yes, Almighty Law that consumes most of her time although travelling, hanging out with friends take a lot of her time too but HE doesn’t really take much of her time and If her mother knew that, she would tell her, her priorities need a bit of a re-arrangement. The song made her really remember: She found Him and then she lost Him.
Oh, what Joy she felt in her soul when she felt she was breathing Him, when she was sure of where she stood with Him. When she was eager to go into His presence like David, when she put effort into making sure she lived for Him.
What happened to her?
She remembers when she was much younger, what a very beautiful childhood she had. Lol! She is even smiling as she is typing this, memories of her childhood does this to her, it elates her whole being. Now, she will be able to study properly as soon as the ‘Caffe Latte’ kicks in and she no longer feels like being glued to her bed. When she was younger, her love for Him was too obvious. Yes, she had not yet been kicked by Life. She had not yet known what it feels like to live in the world though she is not of the world; how the world can be so falsely enticing it makes you forget you are a royal priesthood, a nation that is set aside and you are to shine for him, be the light in the world that only seems to be getting darker and darker.
She remembers once when her parent’s pastor’s wife was coming to Abuja and was to stay at her house. She remembers she was to stay in her room and she remembers how proudly she told her friends in primary school that her pastor’s wife was staying in her room and that means her anointing would be in her room. You might call it childhood cuteness but she didn’t see it as that then, she saw it as something serious: Anointing was going to be painted on her walls and she remembers how religiously she cleaned the room before her arrival. She loved cleaning then, just like now though her friends like Symbiosis says she makes the rest of them feel dirty because of how obsessive her cleaning is; she still strongly believes she doesn’t have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She has grown, she has fallen in love and … she has fallen out of love but she really wants to fall in love again.
She doesn’t want the case to be ‘what happened to her?’
So she is going to start, start by asking the helper and comforter He left with her to help her. Help her not fall out of love again. She is going to believe and she is going to put in effort, check her life every minute to make sure it is still in line with the life He wants her to live.
She just finished reading ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho. Truth is, she is supposed to have finished that book since but law hardly gives you time for anything else. In that book, Paulo really talked about personal legend and going on an unknown journey which is part of the risk you have to take in life. Pause… has she told you she is now in love with Paulo Coelho and has been in love with Jodi Picoult for a while now? Paulo talked about going on a journey that you don’t exactly know the way and you don’t know what might happen, but he said something she loves: “WHEN A PERSON REALLY DESIRES SOMETHING, ALL THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES TO HELP THAT PERSON TO REALIZE HIS DREAM”. She thought about it today when the pastor said ‘You already know everything about November but we don’t. Please guide us this month’; isn’t it better to follow the person that knows the road well, that has walked on that road, that sees what you can’t see and can stop what you can’t stop? So she is saying, lead her, she is ready to fully follow you and let you be her tour guide and like she silently said to you today, she wants to say it out now: “HELP HER TO GIVE YOU YOUR PLACE IN HER LIFE”.
It shouldn’t be ‘what happened to her?”
It shouldn’t be a love found, love lost story.
It should be a story of unending love and faith in that love to lead her and hold her even when she is so pulled by the world and almost lets go.0